Life. Moves. On.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life...it goes on."- Robert Frost

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The Best Views

Posted on July 29, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)
Jay Shetty once wrote, “Everyone has a different clock, so wait for your time.” I couldn’t agree more. I’ve found we live in an era where social media allows us to compare our journey with another. It allows us to become envious, sad, worried, and fearful of things that don’t exist. It causes us to believe that we are behind on our goals. Destiny has its own time. Don’t compare your timeline-literally, with another persons. Their timeline might look a little different than yours, and that’s okay. Find pride in your current status while working and striving more. Be happy for others. Compare less. Work hard every single day to get closer to where you want to be and above all, be grateful. More energy on the journey and less on the destination, my dear. Your time, whatever you’re wishing, praying, and working for will come in due time. Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your heart. The best view always comes after the hardest climb, my dear. ⛰ #trusttheprocess

Leave the toxic behind you.

Posted on July 29, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)

I received an email from a follower who’s struggling with moving pass a situation that broke her heart a few months ago. �� I think many struggle with leaving a toxic relationship because they’re trying to justify the reasonings of shitty behavior. You won’t find the reasoning there, my dear. It’s like trying to find love where you lost it. The simple truth is that shitty people do shitty things. There is not much more to it than that. The only way to move on from a hurtful situation without bitterness and anger is to understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer want to feel that way again. Forgive them for their actions, but don’t forget. Take a long look in the mirror and remember who you are and why you deserve more. My suggestion is to write a list of reminders next to your mirror as to why you deserve to feel loved and to read it often. Perhaps, daily. Have you ever loved someone so deeply you’d do anything for them? Yeah, well make that person yourself and leave that dead-end relationship where it belongs- in the past.



Love Language

Posted on July 29, 2019 at 12:30 PM Comments comments (0)

We visited this very tree almost 2 years ago. It was right after I drove him to a park where I shared with him what I needed in order for us to pursue a relationship. He and I both talk about that day when needed. Like last night, when I was closed off and not communicating my emotions. Though I told him that day almost 2 years ago that I need him to communicate with me, I didn’t realize that it was going to be hard for me. You see, I knew what I needed... because it’s what I didn’t have. But, what tends to happen is we sometimes repeat patterns of our past because it’s what we have learned. For example, I used to be shut off and ignored when expressing my feelings. That taught me to pick my battles and avoid conflict. But, what I am reminded of often is that he, is different. Ironically, in his past relationships, he was the one closing off, not communicating.



Mostly because he wanted to avoid confrontation. That’s why I appreciate him 10x more when he surprises me and comes to me, asks me what’s wrong, and listens. He doesn’t run when I’m moody, being short or cold. He seeks to understand, comfort and be there. That has made all the difference, having someone that CARES enough to want to nurture my heart and be my confidant. Effort goes both ways and it requires work. When one person is trying more than the other, things get unbalanced. So, communicate and communicate often. Never stop seeking to understand how to love your partner how they need you to. Know their love language and then keep maximizing the ways you can love them. 

Compromise.

Posted on July 29, 2019 at 12:20 PM Comments comments (0)
In the past, my mind juggled with trying to figure out what “works.” Two peas in a pod or Opposites attract. In the past, I felt like what made me different from others was the root of what caused relationships not too last. I don’t drink, don’t enjoy “partying,” and find passion and interest in things that I felt most people my age didn’t. This resulted in me always separating myself from the crowds I was in during different chapters of my life, someway or somehow. However, things came full circle for me when I came to a place that brought me back to my childhood friends- even though we were/are different. Sure, we enjoy some of the same things... but our differences is always what balanced us. We didn’t have to be the same to know we shared something in common.



With my boyfriend, we share a lot of interests, but also have things we like to do individually, too. We both love exploring and adventuring new places, cities and restaurants. We both love dogs, have similar long-term goals and each have a stronger relationship with one of our parents. Yet, we’re also different. I’m obsessed with cleaning, thinking into the future and planning the year in advance. He’s ok with waiting to do laundry, living in the moment, and making plans day to day. One thing I’ve always remembered that stood out amongst all the self-help books was the word “compromise.” Relationships are simply, compromising. I think the challenging part lies in the fine line between feeling like you’re settling to avoid conflict/a fight and then feeling happy to “give in” because their happiness means more to you, at least in that moment. We have similarities and we have differences. We won’t always agree, and that’s okay. The difference I know now that I didn’t know then is that compromising doesn’t mean being unhappy. It’s choosing to listen without judgment and deciding to be open to what they have to say. It’s listening to their needs and wants, desires and what will make them happy. It’s wanting to do it... because they matter. One of us wanted to hike and the other wanted to go to the course. We compromised with hiking... by the course

Hard on Ourselves

Posted on June 20, 2019 at 4:05 PM Comments comments (0)

We’re so hard on ourselves. I hear it often. From people I know, from strangers around the world who message me on my blog. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. Sometimes, only when you look back, you’ll realize how far you have come.


Appreciate the past, but focus on today's opportunities and not yesterday's mistakes. You can create whatever you want in this life we’ve been blessed with. So, today, don’t decrease the goal, increase the effort. You can. End of story. #tbt

 

Holding You Back

Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM Comments comments (0)

DON'T LET THE HEART THAT DIDN'T LOVE YOU, KEEP YOU FROM THE ONE THAT WILL.



Very often, I receive messages from followers that somehow end with, “I am never going to love again.” This is typically a sentence followed by a long explanation of heartbreak, defeat and unfortunately, sadness. I always feel sad reading these, because I know what it feels like. That stinging pain associated with having your heart broken. You can’t eat, can’t sleep, and just don’t know what to do to make it go away. I’ve found that the pain is inevitable and the more you try to stop yourself from feeling the pain, the more it appears. Numbing from substance abuse (binge drinking, smoking, rebounding) only “helps” a bit until you’re confronted with the pain again. I think the only thing that helped me when I was in this pain was letting go and accepting that this is going to suck for a while, but not forever. Accepting that I won’t truly know when the pain will “stop.” Actually, you don’t really realize that moment in time. You don’t recall the day, the place, or the point in time that it does. You just wake up one day and realize, “Whoa, I’m not sure when this happened or how, but I’m ok. I’m not great, but I’m starting to feel like me again.” That’s the aha moment we all so desperately seek and want and when it occurs, it feels so damn good because being lost from your soul is confusing, scary and painful as it is. But the beauty is you’ll find a new you eventually. You won’t come out the same. You’ll come back better, stronger, wiser. More aware of what you want and need so that one day, the right one will be there for you and everything that occurred up till that point won’t result in sadness... instead, you’ll feel thankful for the pain because it brought you to this.

 

Trust the journey, my dear. It’ll come full-circle in due time. You got this

Breakups Suck

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)




Breakups suck. There are so many damn rules to follow after. “Don’t try to remain friends.” “Don’t initiate contact with your ex.” “Don’t try to change their mind, beg, plead or cry in front of them.” There are so many rules that are not easy to follow for multiple reasons. 1) Anxiety. If you have anxiety or get anxious, you know how difficult it is to just sit and pretend you’re okay. Waiting, no answer, silence- they are moments where our mind fills with thoughts that drain our wellbeing. 2.) You didn’t get an answer. This is probably one of the worst endings. Not getting a real answer as to why things needed to end. You spend each day replaying memories, the past, trying to figure out a moment in time when things went wrong. 3.) Blame. We sometimes take the silence as a reason to blame ourselves. What could we have done differently? Did we love too hard? Did we believe something was there and it wasn’t? Did we imagine it? No. You didn’t. You felt love. You were told it was love. Wrapping your mind around something that doesn’t make sense is so exhausting and the truth is, we may sometimes never get the answer and maybe we will. Maybe we won’t care in the future. Actually, you won’t. That’s the one truth I know. You won’t care because eventually things will make sense. Things WILL come full circle and things will no longer confuse you. Maybe it’s because you’ve moved on, got your answer, or maybe you find something more worthy of pursuing.... and that’s you. Your heart, your needs, your wants. My dear, take time to heal and don’t put a stopwatch on when that is. Time will tell. One day, when you’ve stopped counting how many days, weeks,months it’s been since the breakup, when you last spoke, the last text, the last time you saw each other... you’ll just feel different. You’ll be a new you. Someone that no longer cares for the answers because they wouldn’t have changed the outcome of what happened and that was just the heartbreak of one chapter of your life. You have so many more pages to turn and you’ll see that. Just hang in there for now and feel what you need to. The sadness, hate, confusion.. it’s all part of the healing. So, heal.

 

 

Long Distance Relationships

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)
I recently had an old friend and follower reach out to me in hopes of being heard regarding his current relationship which is long distance. For those of you who’ve been following me for several years, you’d know that I’ve been in a long distance relationship and were apart for a year. While I’m no expert when it comes to love, relationships and how to handle breakups- I can offer you my advice based on personal experiences and the experiences of my friends. From my own personal experience, I’d say that long distance is very, very hard. It’s the truth. It’s difficult to share experiences physically with someone when they cannot be there, but what’s harder is if there is no trust. What tends to happen is the person who’s away often begins to question you- out of natural fear. This tends to cause a shift in the dynamic of power between two people. When one person begins to feel a lack of equality in the relationship, a push-pull dynamic begins. This continues and continues until neither can no longer handle it. That’s the truth. I truly feel the only way this can be avoided is CLEAR communication prior to being apart of your goals in the relationship, the long term plan and an overall idea of what both partners need to feel good moving forward. Communication is essential but not only when apart... before. This important step is often forgotten and the excitement of loving one another is not enough to sustain the emotions of jealousy, fear, and not being able to relate when finally apart.

Thank you, Next.

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)

Do you ever stop and wonder, “How the f*^k did I get through what I got through?” Surprisingly, most people don’t ask themselves that. I wish more did. I wish we stopped and looked back a bit more. Not because the past should be holding you down, but rather... the opposite. I’m not afraid of looking back on my past. I thrive off of it. I know what I’ve endured and why it has made me who I am today. I know that everything that’s ever happened to me, good or bad, was never to hurt me- but to allow me to stand tall today. I am who I am because of my past, but I’ll never allow myself to become a victim to it. I’ve battled sadness, self-doubt, fear, anxiety, comparison, defeat, and most of all, realizing I don’t have to be anyone but me. I was born in the U.S., but raised by immigrants and a lot of who I am is because of them. I was voted “Best all around” my senior year in high school- it caused more bad than good. I put unnecessary pressure on myself in thinking I had to maintain an “image” of what that meant in the eyes of others. I was in a long distance relationship that resulted in trying to save someone who didn’t want to be saved.




I had people I thought were “friends” teach me by taking advantage of my kindness what a real friend is. I’ve lost myself, found myself, and am constantly working on deciding what and who I want to be. But one thing that is different about the girl you see here today vs. the one say 5, 7 and even 10 years ago is that she’s proud of where she’s been, where I am, and where I am going and that has always been enough. No one is going to come and love you until you know that YOU, with all your flaws and fears and challenges are damn perfect. Own you, my love. Because at the end of the day, your voice is the loudest amongst any crowd. So, thank you to all those who’ve wronged me. I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you, next.

Many moons ago

Posted on January 17, 2019 at 2:20 AM Comments comments (0)

Many moons ago, it was difficult for me to travel. My body would respond with anxiety, stress, and fear. This resulted in never feeling good about going or being there. What should have always felt like a “vacation,” simply was work. It wasn’t until I realized it was never the trips that caused this feeling, rather the people I was going on them with to cause me to feel this way. I never felt for the lack of a better word, safe. It’s easy to have ptsd after bad experiences, like the fear of dating or even falling in love again after having your heart broken. You build walls so high to protect yourself that you don’t know how they’ll ever be broken down. It’s not overnight, but in the midst of all the bricks you build you’ll realize that you’ve got nothing to lose and that simple realization is what frees you from the fear. The beauty of life is that sometimes it brings you full CIRCLE to a place you have been before just to show you how much you have grown. No matter how many "how we met" stories I hear, or how many love stories get written, ours will always be one of my favorites... simply for the reason that my heart was hidden behind a wall only a real man could climb. Find someone who looks at you like you are magic & knows you’re worth the wait.