Life. Moves. On.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life...it goes on."- Robert Frost

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Growing Older

Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM Comments comments (4)

One thing that I, you, we tend to be guilty of is shaming ourselves for turning a year older- especially women. You hear it all the time, “Don’t ask a woman her age.” But, why? Each year is something to celebrate and be proud of. I think the greatest reason we don’t celebrate is often because we associate age with accomplishments or lack thereof. “I want to be married, have kids, own a home, retire by, etc.” We put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve dreams, but the beauty of a dream is that there’s no expiration date on them. Remember, you’re allowed to reach your faith, calling, passion, meet your love, have children at the time destiny has for you. Maybe you have more to learn, more to see, and more to grow. Trust the timing of your life and let go and watch how many more things will come your way. Keep on keeping on and move forward with confidence and grace. It will come to you in due time. Promise. Chin up, Queen. You got this.


 

 

Clarity

Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM Comments comments (0)

I once read somewhere, “Yeah, you’re attractive, but are you good for my mental health?”


 

That resonated with me because it is difficult to see toxicity in your life until you step back and remove yourself from the space, environment, person, or feeling causing it.

 

I recently sat down to reflect with a follower on her journey and where she’s been. She has been single for some time now and she feels that she has become so independent, fearing letting her walls down again- that she will never know true love. I disagreed, because I was once her.

 

I was once the woman who was unphased by words, gifts, and any form of expression that symbolized someone was interested in me. The greatest memory I have of when this occurred was roughly 3-4 years ago when I was surprised at work with a Valentine surprise- chocolate covered strawberries. Nothing. It did nothing for me. In fact, I gave them away to my colleagues and trashed the card that came with it.

 

That’s not what I was looking for and not what I wanted nor needed. After realizing I had pushed myself into a place where I could care less to find love is the moment where I found it. That’s right- I found a stronger, greater, and more than necessary kind of love when I was least expecting it.

 

This self-love was something I never knew, but it was the kind of love no one or no thing could ever bring me. That same self-love lead me to meeting my boyfriend, Steven. When our paths crossed in 2017, I was in a place that I had never been in before and that was knowing who I was, what I wanted, and more importantly, what my soul needed.

 

That’s the thing about giving yourself time to heal, time to grow, time to feel. You connect with your spirit and soul and realize that not all things entering it will fuel it, so be picky. The reality is that you’ll never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air. You’re beautiful, my dear. Allow yourself to heal... whatever that looks like for you.

Greener on your side

Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM Comments comments (0)


"You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water your own grass....it would be just as green." Learn to appreciate what you’ve got, compare less, and value what you’ve got more. In your relationships, personal development, and life... spend your energy focusing on your own side and you’ll soon realize you, too, can have a garden of wonders. 

Holding You Back

Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM Comments comments (0)

DON'T LET THE HEART THAT DIDN'T LOVE YOU, KEEP YOU FROM THE ONE THAT WILL.



Very often, I receive messages from followers that somehow end with, “I am never going to love again.” This is typically a sentence followed by a long explanation of heartbreak, defeat and unfortunately, sadness. I always feel sad reading these, because I know what it feels like. That stinging pain associated with having your heart broken. You can’t eat, can’t sleep, and just don’t know what to do to make it go away. I’ve found that the pain is inevitable and the more you try to stop yourself from feeling the pain, the more it appears. Numbing from substance abuse (binge drinking, smoking, rebounding) only “helps” a bit until you’re confronted with the pain again. I think the only thing that helped me when I was in this pain was letting go and accepting that this is going to suck for a while, but not forever. Accepting that I won’t truly know when the pain will “stop.” Actually, you don’t really realize that moment in time. You don’t recall the day, the place, or the point in time that it does. You just wake up one day and realize, “Whoa, I’m not sure when this happened or how, but I’m ok. I’m not great, but I’m starting to feel like me again.” That’s the aha moment we all so desperately seek and want and when it occurs, it feels so damn good because being lost from your soul is confusing, scary and painful as it is. But the beauty is you’ll find a new you eventually. You won’t come out the same. You’ll come back better, stronger, wiser. More aware of what you want and need so that one day, the right one will be there for you and everything that occurred up till that point won’t result in sadness... instead, you’ll feel thankful for the pain because it brought you to this.

 

Trust the journey, my dear. It’ll come full-circle in due time. You got this

Breakups Suck

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)




Breakups suck. There are so many damn rules to follow after. “Don’t try to remain friends.” “Don’t initiate contact with your ex.” “Don’t try to change their mind, beg, plead or cry in front of them.” There are so many rules that are not easy to follow for multiple reasons. 1) Anxiety. If you have anxiety or get anxious, you know how difficult it is to just sit and pretend you’re okay. Waiting, no answer, silence- they are moments where our mind fills with thoughts that drain our wellbeing. 2.) You didn’t get an answer. This is probably one of the worst endings. Not getting a real answer as to why things needed to end. You spend each day replaying memories, the past, trying to figure out a moment in time when things went wrong. 3.) Blame. We sometimes take the silence as a reason to blame ourselves. What could we have done differently? Did we love too hard? Did we believe something was there and it wasn’t? Did we imagine it? No. You didn’t. You felt love. You were told it was love. Wrapping your mind around something that doesn’t make sense is so exhausting and the truth is, we may sometimes never get the answer and maybe we will. Maybe we won’t care in the future. Actually, you won’t. That’s the one truth I know. You won’t care because eventually things will make sense. Things WILL come full circle and things will no longer confuse you. Maybe it’s because you’ve moved on, got your answer, or maybe you find something more worthy of pursuing.... and that’s you. Your heart, your needs, your wants. My dear, take time to heal and don’t put a stopwatch on when that is. Time will tell. One day, when you’ve stopped counting how many days, weeks,months it’s been since the breakup, when you last spoke, the last text, the last time you saw each other... you’ll just feel different. You’ll be a new you. Someone that no longer cares for the answers because they wouldn’t have changed the outcome of what happened and that was just the heartbreak of one chapter of your life. You have so many more pages to turn and you’ll see that. Just hang in there for now and feel what you need to. The sadness, hate, confusion.. it’s all part of the healing. So, heal.

 

 

Sea Breeze

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)


I received an email last week from a follower who was having trouble dating. Her problem wasn't that she couldn't find anyone, but that for the life of her, she couldn't let people in. After exchanging a few emails, I realized what could possibly be the "problem." She had her guard up. She'd been hurt before and after knowing what it felt like to be broken before, she was always careful to avoid coming close to it again. Instead of taking chances and risking drowning in love, she chose to stay near the shore... where the tides are low, “safe,” and she can feel the sand beneath her feet. I think that it's easy to stay close to what we know and that's why we tend to repeat our mistakes, no matter how we much try to avoid them. It's easier to play with what we know than to explore something new. She felt worried that she may have lost out on good people because of her fear of getting hurt. I could tell she may have been close to loving again before, but something always led her to slip it like grains of sand through her hands. I think it's okay to be a careful person, but not at the expense of growing. Heartache, experience, and lessons are merely stepping stones that shape us to who we are to become. A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing grows from there. You grow most in the times that you feel the least amount of comfort. Swim away from the shore, my dear. The world is out there and it’s big and it’s unpredictable, but life is beautiful and worth you trying again. Always give love a chance to win. #comfort #therapy #water

Long Distance Relationships

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)
I recently had an old friend and follower reach out to me in hopes of being heard regarding his current relationship which is long distance. For those of you who’ve been following me for several years, you’d know that I’ve been in a long distance relationship and were apart for a year. While I’m no expert when it comes to love, relationships and how to handle breakups- I can offer you my advice based on personal experiences and the experiences of my friends. From my own personal experience, I’d say that long distance is very, very hard. It’s the truth. It’s difficult to share experiences physically with someone when they cannot be there, but what’s harder is if there is no trust. What tends to happen is the person who’s away often begins to question you- out of natural fear. This tends to cause a shift in the dynamic of power between two people. When one person begins to feel a lack of equality in the relationship, a push-pull dynamic begins. This continues and continues until neither can no longer handle it. That’s the truth. I truly feel the only way this can be avoided is CLEAR communication prior to being apart of your goals in the relationship, the long term plan and an overall idea of what both partners need to feel good moving forward. Communication is essential but not only when apart... before. This important step is often forgotten and the excitement of loving one another is not enough to sustain the emotions of jealousy, fear, and not being able to relate when finally apart.

Looking Back.

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)



They say that, “Life has many ways of testing a person’s will, either by having NOTHING happen at all or by having EVERYTHING happen all at once.” It’s true; you don’t know how strong you are till being strong is your only option. Unfortunately, shitty people do shitty things. You can let a situation break you or choose to let it help you grow and rise above. The only way to move on from a hurtful situation without bitterness and anger is to understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer NEED to feel it. Over the years, I have realized how precious time and is how so many things such as people, past circumstances, and fear can rob us from blooming. Looking back, people have wronged me. Even when I was in my darkest days and felt incredibly sad, something told me to trust the journey and that meant chasing the little light at the end of the tunnel that was left. Sometimes it’s so damn hard to see, but you have to hold on for life to that little bit of hope left. Even if it’s a fraction of how you feel... hold on to it. I did and believed in things coming full-circle, because they always do. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but they will. When they do, the light at the end of the tunnel will never have been clear. You just have to keep moving forward until things in the rear view mirror no longer serve you. Live life in full bloom, my dear. Never stop growing.

Thank you, Next.

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:35 PM Comments comments (0)

Do you ever stop and wonder, “How the f*^k did I get through what I got through?” Surprisingly, most people don’t ask themselves that. I wish more did. I wish we stopped and looked back a bit more. Not because the past should be holding you down, but rather... the opposite. I’m not afraid of looking back on my past. I thrive off of it. I know what I’ve endured and why it has made me who I am today. I know that everything that’s ever happened to me, good or bad, was never to hurt me- but to allow me to stand tall today. I am who I am because of my past, but I’ll never allow myself to become a victim to it. I’ve battled sadness, self-doubt, fear, anxiety, comparison, defeat, and most of all, realizing I don’t have to be anyone but me. I was born in the U.S., but raised by immigrants and a lot of who I am is because of them. I was voted “Best all around” my senior year in high school- it caused more bad than good. I put unnecessary pressure on myself in thinking I had to maintain an “image” of what that meant in the eyes of others. I was in a long distance relationship that resulted in trying to save someone who didn’t want to be saved.




I had people I thought were “friends” teach me by taking advantage of my kindness what a real friend is. I’ve lost myself, found myself, and am constantly working on deciding what and who I want to be. But one thing that is different about the girl you see here today vs. the one say 5, 7 and even 10 years ago is that she’s proud of where she’s been, where I am, and where I am going and that has always been enough. No one is going to come and love you until you know that YOU, with all your flaws and fears and challenges are damn perfect. Own you, my love. Because at the end of the day, your voice is the loudest amongst any crowd. So, thank you to all those who’ve wronged me. I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you, next.

Chin Up.

Posted on April 1, 2019 at 12:30 PM Comments comments (0)


One thing that I, you, we tend to be guilty of is shaming ourselves for turning a year older- especially women. You hear it all the time, “Don’t ask a woman her age.” But, why? Each year is something to celebrate and be proud of. I think the greatest reason we don’t celebrate is often because we associate age with accomplishments or lack thereof. “I want to be married, have kids, own a home, retire by, etc.” We put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve dreams, but the beauty of a dream is that there’s no expiration date on them. Remember, you’re allowed to reach your faith, calling, passion, meet your love, have children at the time destiny has for you. Maybe you have more to learn, more to see, and more to grow. Trust the timing of your life and let go and watch how many more things will come your way. Keep on keeping on and move forward with confidence and grace.�� It will come to you in due time. Promise. Chin up, Queen. You got this.


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