|Posted on June 25, 2019 at 12:40 PM||comments (3)|
Those closest to me know that I’m a bit of a perfectionist and like things done in an orderly fashion, meaning being on time to me means being early. I also like to finish things as soon as the thought arises, such as going out to get a new couch the minute I decide I want one. Whereas, he goes with the flow and lives in the moment. Kind of why I don’t like surprises and he strives on spontaneous memories. Despite our differences, we remind each other that we’re a team and that means working to understand and help the other feel comfortable. Sometimes that means forcing ourselves to be a little more like the other and other times, it means respecting the other’s needs for things going the way they’d like. Above all, when stressed, nervous or anxious, which I tend to become easily, he uses “We” statements. Such as, “we” will be ok. “We” will figure it out. It’s important to find someone that never causes you to feel alone in your pain, worries and even responsibilities. Love isn’t I’ll do this if you. It’s not, you owe me because. It’s accepting that you don’t own anyone and they don’t own you. You’re a team, a partnership and that means equally being there to help keep the other one up, happy and feeling weightless. #neversettle
|Posted on June 20, 2019 at 4:05 PM||comments (0)|
We’re so hard on ourselves. I hear it often. From people I know, from strangers around the world who message me on my blog. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. Sometimes, only when you look back, you’ll realize how far you have come.
Appreciate the past, but focus on today's opportunities and not yesterday's mistakes. You can create whatever you want in this life we’ve been blessed with. So, today, don’t decrease the goal, increase the effort. You can. End of story. #tbt
|Posted on June 18, 2019 at 7:45 PM||comments (1)|
IN CONNECTION to my previous post on full circles ➡️ ⭕️ After going through a really challenging breakup, there was this guy. We met through mutual friends and though we were often around one another, it meant nothing at the time. The same week I was dumped, I realized I had an extra ticket to a Zac Brown Concert. I decided to ask this guy if he wanted to come with me as friends. He said yes. The chemistry was undeniable between us, but dating was so far from my thoughts at that time. I had just gone through hell. There was no way I’d open up to anyone again, or so I thought. Fast forward to a few weeks after, he asked me to consider taking him seriously in the dating matter. I panicked and said I think we should remain friends. He was really hurt and saddened, because he felt we had a strong bond. Fast forward to 4 years later... after 4 years of me staying single, working on myself, dating many weirdos, and reading a lot. My focus on healing during those 4 years had many ups and downs. I did things that seemed out of character, but later realized it was part of a journey to help me learn my worth and also, find what I not only wanted, but needed. 4 years after saying no to this guy, my best friend was getting married and made it clear that he was going to be my date. I didn’t really have an option. So, he was and that night, we shared our first kiss. We soon realized, the feelings never left. Ironically, 2 days later I left out of the country for 3 weeks. We texted each day and while at my family’s vacation home, while looking out at cows, feeling at peace, I had my aha moment- an epiphany. It was him all along. It was always him! He’s my full circle. I texted him, “When I come home, I want to give us a shot again.” Remember, your journey isn’t meant to look like everyone else’s. Have faith that it’s all part of a grand plan. #trusttheprocess
|Posted on June 18, 2019 at 7:45 PM||comments (0)|
If you’ve been reading my writing throughout the years- you’d know my fascination with things coming full circle. I’ve always admired the idea of things making sense, that “aha” moment we all want so badly. If you’re unfamiliar, a full circle is “a series of developments that lead back to the original source, position, or situation or to a complete reversal of the original position.” My search for full circles were developed after reading a book by @thesinglewoman where she shared, “When life brings you full circle, pay attention. There’s a lesson there.” As a person that seeks answers, reasonings and justifications to why everything and anything had to happen, this quote resonated with me. ♀️ Full Circles are a magical, awakening moment. We’re often told, “It’ll make sense why it had to happen one day.” When in pain, it’s very challenging to accept this truth. When you’re sad, all you want to feel is good, now. Waiting for that day, moment or time in your life seems so mundane when all you do is feel sadness, lost, and confused. Whether you’re going through a breakup, separation, divorce, job loss, trying to get pregnant, etc... as cliche as it sounds, I know it’ll make sense one day why you had to wait. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday... the stars will align and the puzzle will connect and you will look back and realize you had the pieces all along. The pieces, which are the experiences you’re going through that are needed to somehow, in the most abstract way, click and create YOUR destiny. The journey may not go as you’d like and it may feel so frustrating at times. Wondering when will be your chance, your moment. It can be a long road and it can feel lonely at times. You may feel like giving up at times, but I ask you to stay hopeful. Positive your time will come. Things will always come full circle. It’s just trusting that when it does, you’ll be ready to accept the lesson.
|Posted on June 18, 2019 at 7:45 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted on June 18, 2019 at 2:25 AM||comments (0)|
I met a new friend today. She’s in her mid-twenties and shared with me the journey she’s on, which included dating again. I’m happy for her. She went through a tough breakup and felt like she didn’t know who she was. I mentioned to her that sometimes, some people, can bring out nasty sides of us that we don’t like. I’ve seen a side in my own self before that terrified me. That girl was weak, insecure and allowed to be walked all over. She was a giver and the person she was with was a taker. In the end, she gave and gave and got very little in return. Looking back, I realize the only reason that happened was because she, meaning I, didn’t know that self-love was ok to carry. Growing up, we viewed caring for ourselves, having confidence and putting our needs first as being “conceited.” I really, truly dislike that word. It caused me to stay in situations that weren’t good for me, solely because that’s what felt “right” to accept. Some days, I find myself trying not to show traits that in the past were looked down on and not appreciated- such as showing love and care. Now, I realize that my love, and possibly yours, isn’t for everyone. A funny thing happens when you meet someone who is right, someone who does deserve your kind of love. They not only “accept” who you are, but love you for simply being you. So, if you’ve loved and lost... don’t worry. No one can steal the love you’re born to find. Just stay patient enough to wait for it.
|Posted on June 13, 2019 at 10:50 AM||comments (1)|
Life is a series of events working for you. That’s right... working for you. I know you may not feel that way right now or even think it, but try. For a long time, I played the victim to the things “happening to me.” Oh, yes. I allowed my happiness, well-being, mood, etc. to be based on one incident in my life. Realizing years later, that very incident I made so big, is now so little compared to who I am and where I am headed. When we’re in a rut, it’s normal to feel low, unhappy and unsatisfied. It’s easy to want to fix what we know than to try to attain something better for us. How you respond to events in your life will create a chemical response that affects food digestion, how you sleep, how you think, and how you feel about yourself.
Sometimes this blockage traps good things from entering. As many of you may know, I walked alone for four years after being in a relationship for four years. That path alone after only knowing one way to be are now some of the best four years I can look back at. At that time, the path was rocky, the water choppy, and me, a mess. But today, I’m so damn proud of that girl who walked through the fire and came out 100x the woman she was and today, I love that girl. I feel for that girl. If I think long enough of that girl, I ache for her. Because she didn’t know then what I’m telling you now which is that whatever you’re going through today, you’re going to be more than okay. You are fire, my dear and fire doesn’t let anything standing in its way bring them down. Keep going... keep believing in something greater than you and have faith, because you’re damn right you are worth it.
|Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM||comments (11)|
One thing that I, you, we tend to be guilty of is shaming ourselves for turning a year older- especially women. You hear it all the time, “Don’t ask a woman her age.” But, why? Each year is something to celebrate and be proud of. I think the greatest reason we don’t celebrate is often because we associate age with accomplishments or lack thereof. “I want to be married, have kids, own a home, retire by, etc.” We put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve dreams, but the beauty of a dream is that there’s no expiration date on them. Remember, you’re allowed to reach your faith, calling, passion, meet your love, have children at the time destiny has for you. Maybe you have more to learn, more to see, and more to grow. Trust the timing of your life and let go and watch how many more things will come your way. Keep on keeping on and move forward with confidence and grace. It will come to you in due time. Promise. Chin up, Queen. You got this.
|Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM||comments (0)|
I once read somewhere, “Yeah, you’re attractive, but are you good for my mental health?”
That resonated with me because it is difficult to see toxicity in your life until you step back and remove yourself from the space, environment, person, or feeling causing it.
I recently sat down to reflect with a follower on her journey and where she’s been. She has been single for some time now and she feels that she has become so independent, fearing letting her walls down again- that she will never know true love. I disagreed, because I was once her.
I was once the woman who was unphased by words, gifts, and any form of expression that symbolized someone was interested in me. The greatest memory I have of when this occurred was roughly 3-4 years ago when I was surprised at work with a Valentine surprise- chocolate covered strawberries. Nothing. It did nothing for me. In fact, I gave them away to my colleagues and trashed the card that came with it.
That’s not what I was looking for and not what I wanted nor needed. After realizing I had pushed myself into a place where I could care less to find love is the moment where I found it. That’s right- I found a stronger, greater, and more than necessary kind of love when I was least expecting it.
This self-love was something I never knew, but it was the kind of love no one or no thing could ever bring me. That same self-love lead me to meeting my boyfriend, Steven. When our paths crossed in 2017, I was in a place that I had never been in before and that was knowing who I was, what I wanted, and more importantly, what my soul needed.
That’s the thing about giving yourself time to heal, time to grow, time to feel. You connect with your spirit and soul and realize that not all things entering it will fuel it, so be picky. The reality is that you’ll never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air. You’re beautiful, my dear. Allow yourself to heal... whatever that looks like for you.
|Posted on April 8, 2019 at 12:10 PM||comments (0)|